Quite honestly, it's taken me awhile to feel thankful. After several months of trauma and drama, after many months of questions with no answers, after postpartum depression, after receiving bad news after bad news, after many failed attempts to help Juliana - I was not thankful. In fact a post from Ann Voskamp made me realize that I was on the fast track to bitterness:
This is hard. Maybe the hardest of all.
I have held dying babies.Eaten with those who live on the town garbage heap. Wept with women who’ve been violated, with the bankrupt, the heart crushed, the terminal. And this never stops being true:
After the realization, the confession, and the move to be intentionally thankful - things are better.
This weekend I am spending Christmas with my family in a cabin in North Georgia. I am feeling so thankful for so many simple but wonderful things: kids who sleep well, lots of good GAPS food, a fun place to stay, cable TV to watch while I do therapy with Juliana, other people around to play with the kids, the emotional and physical support of my family. While this year has been nothing like I envisioned, I'm finally at a place where I can reflect on the past and look to the future with thanksgiving.