This week is not uncommon:
Monday morning: appointment with ENT. We are there for two and a half hours. I have both kids in tow.
Tuesday afternoon: a trip to DFCS to find out more about the deeming waiver. A failed trip, since again I had two kids with me and about 50 people ahead of me in line.
Wednesday morning: physical therapy
Wednesday afternoon: appointment with neurologist
Wednesday at some point to be determined: craniosacral therapist
Thursday morning: weight check and quick check-in with GI
Friday morning: physical therapy
Friday afternoon: occupational therapy
Friday at some point to be determined: another craniosacral session (maybe)
We also have some other typical things to do throughout the week. I try to go to a playgroup each Thursday. Obviously we have to go grocery shopping. I cook most of our food completely from scratch. I make Juliana's food. I try to do fun things with Calvin. I have to pay bills and I have to figure out insurance paperwork. I do laundry.
And I also like to sleep.
I have been forced to come to the realization that I need more help. Most weeks I can handle the load, but I am spent by the end of the day and the end of the week. Most nights David isn't home until around 8pm (he is working on a second degree). And oh yeah, my husband? Well I have not been out with him in a year.
What I dislike the most though is when Calvin spends too much time at the doctor's office and not enough time doing crafts, reading books or playing make-believe. Not every week is like that but this week has been.
But I've been reluctant to ask for help. For the most part I've asked for only the bare minimum.One reason is because I truly can manage it, I just can't manage it as well as I want. A second reason is probably pride and a severe, life-long case of "I can do it myself." I may also feel a bit guilty knowing that there are kids out there who are in far worse shape and parents dealing with things far more difficult. The final reason, one that has paralyzed me more than the others, is because I feel strange about asking for help when I only have two kids. However the more I think about it the more I realize that when you have to teach your kid how to eat, have to figure out what in the world your kid can eat, have to learn how to be your kid's therapist and have to take your kid to a million appointments --- you're doing way more than parenting just two children. We've had weeks here or there where we only have one or two appointments, and those weeks are easy.
After a lot of contemplation I've realized that even just a little bit of help could go a long way. I'm not sure yet how this will happen, but I'd really like more quality time with Calvin, some time to exercise, and - if I'm really being optimistic - a little less house cleaning. And of course, a date with my husband would be nice - hopefully sometime this year.